Grief on Mother's Day

As another Mother’s Day approaches, my thoughts are with each of you grieving the loss of your mother, whether it was this year or in the past. This day can bring a lot of emotions including sadness, loneliness, and even anger. For some, the day can be complicated, with both positive and negative feelings. As this will be my second Mother’s Day without my mother, I anticipate that it will be easier than last year. However, my childhood home has now been sold, so I can no longer visit the place where I most strongly felt her memory and love.

I’ve been considering what I would like this day to look like with ways to celebrate this day and want to share some with you. I understand for some it may even be hard just to make it through the day. Please remember that the grief journey is different for each of us. You can ignore the media that try to tell you how you should celebrate or what you should buy. Reflect upon your own needs and what will be beneficial to you. Be gentle with yourself. There are no right or wrong ways to feel. I hope some of these ideas can be helpful to you.

Do something you enjoyed with your mother or something that reminds you of her. One example could be gardening. I have wonderful memories of planting flowers with my mother. I was fortunate to have brought some of her plants to my home, including a pink peony. I am hopeful this will be blooming so I can have a bouquet on Sunday. Other ideas could be shopping, going to her favorite restaurant, getting a manicure, or hosting the family dinner at your home now. Her legacy can continue with your traditions.

Choose a way to honor your mother. Take flowers to her grave, if that is possible. You could also light a candle, cook her favorite meal or make a special social media tribute in her memory. Watch family videos or look at old family photo albums.

Do something creative, whether it is writing, painting, playing music, or whatever you like to do to express your emotions.

One thing I know I will be doing is attending church. My mother’s faith life was very important to her, and this is important to my family.

If you are a mother yourself, let your family celebrate you. It is possible for you to honor your mother but still let this day be about you. Take time to do something special with your children, or if you need some time for yourself, take a long walk or bubble bath or read a book. 

Choose not to celebrate and unplug from social media. Listen to your needs. Each of us is in a different place on our grief journey. You may give yourself permission not to celebrate at all, and that is okay. We can’t anticipate exactly how we will feel on Sunday, so if you need to change your plans that day, that is also okay. Maybe you can call a friend or other family member and lean on them for support. Our website www.muehlebachchapel.com has a grief support section if you are looking for additional resources.

While thinking about Mother’s Day this year, I am reminded of spending those last days with my mother. One afternoon when my son was by her bedside, he heard her ask for her mom. He was struck by the fact that a woman who lived to be 100 and was the matriarch of our large family still wanted her own mother. He learned something that day that I know all too well. We are never too old to want our mom.

About the author: Jenny Mertes serves as our Community Service Director. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other staff members.